LETTER OF MONSOON

Part - One

BRIAN, I know I should have told you this from the very beginning but trust me, I tried and something always stopped me. I couldn't figure out the force which blocked my way from letting out the truth. And well you know how I always used to get intimidated by you. So I just kept everything to myself. I don't know why I have decided now to pull out every bit of guts and say everything I have been waiting to say. Maybe I finally realized the potential of letting someone know the truth despite the terrible response in return. By the time you finish reading this letter, I will be somewhere very far. I guess after all these years my conscience spoke to me about letting out everything in this eleventh hour so that nothing is left afterward. That's the end of the show. The suspense gets revealed, The ending hits the show and the characters take their leave from the stage. That's how it always has been. Isn't it?

I hope you forgive me for letting you feel this way and for pouring out my deepest emotions.

I have always loved you since you came in my life. Yes always! I loved you when Raina broke your heart and left you on the exact place where you both had the first kiss. I loved you when you found hope again and fell in love with Annie. I loved you when you couldn't get through the interact club and win the trip to Greece. I loved you when you accidentally poured a lot of ink on my shirt and didn't realize. Well, how would you, since you were always busy reading those bulky novels of Glanville and Shaw. Do you remember the night when you fell asleep in the study room and when you woke up, you found a note saying, "Didn't want to wake you up? Good luck for the finals." beside some packets of coffee and pen? I remember vividly. I can even replay that scene when you thought it was Annie who left the stuff and you blushed. It broke my heart for not being able to come forward and tell you it was me.

Time passed by like that. You always considered me as your friend and I was scared to lose your friendship. God swear, my heart always bleed when you came to me asking for suggestions every time things got sour between you and Annie. My stomach got sunken in whenever you flirted with her right in front of me. That evening when we were practicing fire drill I saw you with Annie lined up in perfect section. I was right beside you notwithstanding you two intertwining each other's hand and hugging. But one thing always kept me wise and pure within, that is the ability to see you happy with someone else.

That afternoon in Mrs. Moore's class we read out comprehension in front of the class and you asked me who was the guy I wrote about in my poem. I know I accidentally slipped my mouth and said it was you, now I wish I hadn't turned back saying that was a joke. And you said "ah! Poor me, I wouldn't be more privileged in loving a girl like you Feriha." Did you seriously mean that? Did you mean truly when you wrote me a letter saying how lucky you feel for having me as your friend and you are scared to lose me? Cos I have had sleepless nights re-reading your letter and interpreting in thousands of various ways trying to make it sound like you choosing me over Annie. Trying to find hidden meanings though you hadn't left any.

Well, thank you for allowing me to love you and bear the pain of not pouring it out. I have spent years without receiving what I always longed for and I think I can live without it now. It's been a habit you know. I am not angry with you or myself for whatever the circumstances. Since they taught me about self-love. And in the absence of your love, I found the divine. Thank you for that. Those lonely days I have spent standing beside you I never got to feel the warmth of the sun. Do you know why? Because I was busy pointing out the light to you while letting myself freeze under your shadow.

I guess it's how it is. Some love stories end without a happy ending. Whats my love compared to Romeo and Juliet. Laila and Majnu, Bajirao and Mastani when such great lovebirds couldn't be together in the end. I am happy to not have you since one-sided love is something only fortunate gets to experience. I will love you and remember you always. The one who brought the wise in me. Take care.

Your friend

FERIHA

This is the part written by an amazing and very talented student of mine namely Pema Dikong...She will soon be writing other parts and I will be posting in this blog